What SHOT Show Taught Me About Women in Firearms

This wasn’t my first SHOT Show—but it was my first time attending with a group of men. The experience clarified something I’ve felt for years but never fully articulated.

Women in firearms live in the gray.

Women Occupy the Gray

The firearms world often frames things in black and white: best gear, best setup, best performance. But women live in the in-between, constantly weighing finite resources—time, energy, attention.

I would love to be exceptional at one thing. Truly. To be a good mother, wife, law enforcement officer, shooter, instructor, and community volunteer, I have to accept tradeoffs. I sacrifice perfection in any single role to hold small slices of many pies.

That doesn’t make women unfocused. It makes us adaptive.

Men Don’t Understand Women’s Bodies—and It Shows in Gear Design

Concealed carry for men and women are not remotely the same conversation.

Skirts, blouses, dresses, and varying waistlines complicate concealment. Add high heels, shifting center of gravity, babies on hips, and hands full of life—and suddenly the “just get an IWB holster” advice falls apart.

I’ve always advocated for on-body carry, however it’s willfully ignorant to believe that one gun and one holster can serve every woman, every day. How I carry on a bike ride, on a warrant, or in church are as different as night and day.

And body armor? Flat ceramic plates don’t account for breasts. Period.

Women need solutions designed for our bodies, not adaptations of male equipment.

Men Don’t Understand Women’s Fears

At least five times a day, the way I move through the world is dictated by risk assessment.

 Did I park in a well-lit area?
 Is someone following me?
 Did I lock the door?

Men don’t navigate a world where they are automatically physically weaker than half the population. At my strongest, most alert, and most prepared, I may have a fair fight against a man. Distracted by children, mental load, work stress, or a phone notification? I’m an easy target.

That reality shapes how women carry.

What I choose to carry isn’t dictated by what wins competitions or performs best at 25 yards. It’s the firearm I can comfortably carry, consistently conceal, and proficiently shoot—without dismantling my life to do it.

Men Don’t Understand Women’s Efficiency

Women survive by efficiency.

Time, preparation, movement—we manage all of it ruthlessly because we have to.

As an instructor, I’d love every shooter to master every platform at every distance. As a mom, I understand reality. If I can get a woman confident and proficient with one handgun, from a defensive position, during the tiny sliver of “me time” she has between school pickup and soccer practice—that’s success.

Listening to men mock women for carrying compact guns because a full-size performs better at 25 yards misses the point entirely. Most women aren’t preparing for competition stages—they’re preparing for carjackings, parking lots, and distances inside seven yards.

A full-size gun you can’t conceal or carry is useless if it doesn’t integrate into your life.

Women Have to Fight for a Seat at the Table

I’ve attended SHOT more times than most of the men I was with. Still, at nearly every vendor booth and social event, I was greeted as a bystander.

Having to repeatedly assert “I belong here” is exhausting.

At the range, I was politely asked if I knew how to load the gun. After I out-shot the men in the group, I finally mentioned that I’m a firearms instructor. I’m good at working a hustle—but some days, I wish I didn’t have to.

Competence shouldn’t require disclosure.

Armed Women Are Diamonds

In a sea of men, there’s a moment when you lock eyes with another woman—and without words, you both acknowledge: I’m glad it’s not just me.

Those moments happened more than once. Quick conversations. Shared stories. Mutual understanding of what it means to carry responsibility, capability, and skepticism all at once.

Armed women are rare. And when we find each other, there’s strength in that recognition.

The Takeaway

Women don’t need to become men to belong in firearms culture.

We yearn for solutions that respect our bodies.
Training that respects our time.
Gear that respects our lives.
And a culture that recognizes that preparedness looks different when you’re carrying the weight of a family.

The gray isn’t weakness.

It’s where real life lives.